He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
