Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am one with the molecules
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
