So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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