just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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