I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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