...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Terrible idea I love it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
