I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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