i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
