I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
