therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
