Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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