take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
