I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if only i could text you this smell
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
