I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
