They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
