It's like God shit irony all over that family
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
