yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
