is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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