Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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