My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
