Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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