onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
