Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
