I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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