Swine flu. Run for my life!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize