she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
