when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
