I just saw a hot homeless man
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
