3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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