I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
