Fine. I'll sleep in my office
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
