dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
