she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
