didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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