Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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