I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
