Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
