Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
