she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
