dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
