I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
