Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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