So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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