the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you never un-have a 4some
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
