Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
