Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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