So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
