that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
