Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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