I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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