When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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