I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
