The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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