What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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