Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
