I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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